Male Pattern Baldness aka DAMN, DAMN, DAMN!

There was a time...a time that doesn't seem too long ago...that I had hair.

I mean, a lot of hair.

Senior year at Howard U., circa 2003

Then, due to the pressures of conforming to a look that was deemed acceptable by the man (sidebar: if you find that jive turkey, tell him I'm looking for him...), I got a haircut. It wasn't the dreaded look that I had grown to love, but I rocked either a fade or tapered bush quite nicely.

Corporate World Cut, circa 2005

Then...year after year...the hair got thinner - rapidly thinner - forcing the haircuts to get lower and lower...until finally...there was no hair.

Getting My Grown-Man On, circa 2008

No doubt - I hated realizing that I was going bald. Dreaded it.

No pun intended.

I tried to ignore the warning signs. As mentioned, I tried to camouflage it by getting the haircuts lower. However, there was no denying the inevitable. Hell, my Pops is bald so I should have known better.

Sure, folks will lie and tell you, "It's determined by your mom's side of the family." Bullsh*t. All of them jokers still have a head a hair with no signs of push back. No, 'tis I in this lonely club with myself, my father, my cousin - on my dad's side of the family - and one of his brothers (the other still has a full head of hair...grrr!).

The point of all of this, though, is not the fact, that I'm bald, but the fact that maintaining a nice bald look is WAY harder than having dreads, a perfectly manicured fade (shout out to the late 80s!), or any other crazy style that I've been fortunate to rock. Hell, I have to cut my whole head every other day with clippers to keep it clean (BTW, tried this with my T-edgers and I went through two blades in three months - DAMMIT!), or I spend $25 a week to get my barber (gotta get that $20 appointment...plus tip) to cut it where it looks nice Friday through the following Monday and then a bit rough on Tuesday through Thursday before doing it all over again.

After going through $100 a month, I tried to go the ultra-cheap route and buying one of those Mach 7 razors or whatever the hell they advertise them as. I knew I was taking a chance because every time (since puberty, anyway...) that I have placed a razor to my face, I have broken out in bumps, but I thought, "Well, if I moisturize before, during, and after shaving, I should be fine!").

WRONG!

Sure enough, my head was, indeed, as smooth as a baby's bottom (insert that *whew* whistle) for two days...and then it bumped-up like a mother****** on the sides and the back of my head (but not my face - WTF!?) for about a week...just nasty-like!

So, I threw the razor, the shaving gel, and the after shave moisturizer away!

For some foolish reason, I thought keeping my head looking straight would get easy once I began rocking a dome. No one warned me that this would be one of the most frustrating things I encounter on damn near a daily basis.

While we search for cures for all types of ailments and diseases, I long for a day when there is a cure for Male Pattern Baldness. If there was such a research fund to end this travesty that affects so many people (men and women!), I would, without a doubt, donate to it...if a large percentage of my discretionary was not already going towards my clipping.

Matter of fact, I hope that he can fit me in this Friday.